


Mr. No Name

by The_Alias (Artemis_Day)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Human, Background Thor/Sif, Coffee Shop, F/M, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, marvelbingo2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 08:27:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19330834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_Day/pseuds/The_Alias
Summary: Jane's most annoying customer is about to get a thousand times worse.





	Mr. No Name

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Marvel Bingo 2019. Square O5: Coffee Shop.

“Oh great,” Jane muttered, “it’s _him_.”

Darcy almost missed the man in the business suit standing outside the front door. He stepped behind a pillar to take a call. Probably one of his underlings reminding him that he’s a master of the universe.

“Who’s him?” Darcy asked. “Suit guy?”

“It’s Mr. No Name.” Jane waited at the register like she was no longer a minimum wage coffee shop employee struggling through grad school, but a fierce warrior ready for battle. “He comes in every other day looking to make my life difficult. Probably wants another hot iced coffee.”

Darcy made a face. “ _Hot_ iced coffee? How?”

“I have no idea, but he’s very particular about it and he always wants _me_ to serve him even though he can’t even be bothered to put his real name on any of his orders. He calls himself ‘Loki’ of all things.”

“It could be his real name. I’ve heard weirder.”

“Right, the perfect embodiment of a trickster god just so happens to be named after a trickster god,” Jane snorted. “How wonderfully convenient.”

Mr. No Name entered, which Darcy took as her cue to go was some dishes. It was a quarter to two on a Wednesday, the slowest time of the week. A man sat at the corner table with his laptop and textbooks out. A pair of young girls giggled over decaf and scones. The floors and tabletops were in pristine condition thanks to an overzealous new hire looking to impress the manager. There was nothing for Jane to do but stand there like a good customer service robot and await the inevitable.

“Good afternoon, Jane,” Mr. No Name said.

She got right into character. Just because she hated this guy and his ‘I think I’m so hot and amazing’ attitude didn’t make she couldn’t be professional. “Welcome to H&H Coffee, how may I help you?”

“In a great many ways,” Mr. No Name’s eyes were lidded and sparkling with, of course, mischief. “Barring that, I’d like an espresso shot, please.”

“You want ice in that?” Jane bit her tongue, but the words were already out.

He grinned. “Not today, but thank you. I’m glad you know me so well.”

 _‘I’m glad you know me so well,’_ Jane silently mocked him as she whipped up her very best espresso. He should consider himself lucky. A more reckless barista might have spit in it.

She poured the boiling liquid into a small cup and brought it to the counter. Mr. No Name was texting, his fingers moving like lightning across the screen.

“Anything else, sir?”

“Hmmm?” He types a few more lines before deciding she was worthy of his attention. “How long would it take for one of those smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwiches? I don’t see any on display.”

“It would be a few minutes,” Jane replied.

“I see, no matter.” Mr. No Name dropped a hundred dollar bill on the table. “You know of course what name to put down.”

“Loki Odinson, got it,” Jane started writing on the ticket.

“Actually I’ve changed it to Zeus Apollo.” The last letter of his ‘first name’ skewed off the page. Jane dropped the pen and stared at him as his not-at-all attractive smirking face. “At least, that’s what you expect me to say.”

Jane coughed. She straightened her already straight apron. “I don’t expect anything from you, sir. You’re just another customer.”

“Am I?” Mr. No Name picked up his briefcase and nodded at a table by the window. “I’ll be waiting there for my meal. My brother, Thor, will be along soon to join me. Would you be so kind as to let him know where I am?”

“Of course, sir,” Jane said, fighting back the urge to laugh. She made his ridiculous amount of change and headed for the kitchen. “And your sister-in-law, Sif, too, right?”

“They are not yet married, but you’re on the right track.”

Jane jumped. She didn’t dare turn around. How he’d heard her when she’d made sure to use her ‘extra indoor’ voice was beyond her, but she wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of seeing her sweat.

 _‘Maybe he bought himself super hearing,’_ she thought.

It made her laugh and improved her mood enough to get his sandwich done in record time. She plated it with a napkin and a pickle slice. It was quite a nice looking meal and he’d better leave her one hell of a tip. A man and woman walked in and approached the counter, interrupting Jane for the moment.

“Hi, welcome to H&H,” she said. They were both tall and beautiful like runway models, in clothes she was pretty sure came straight off the cover of a fashion magazine. Jane wasn’t intimidated, but in her splotchy apron and uniform baseball cap with hair sticking out everywhere, she couldn’t help but be painfully aware of her own appearance.

“Good morning,” the man said. He had a voice like a megaphone in her ear. “I’m Thor, and this is Sif. We’re here for lunch with my brother, Loki.”

Jane’s smile froze on her face. She couldn’t drop it, even as her eyes grew painfully wide and bloodshot. The guy with the laptop, approaching the counter with his empty plate, backed nervously away from what had to be a terrifying sight.

“You… you’re Thor and Sif?”

The man grinned. “We are. Loki said we should give you our names and you’d show us to his table.”

All they had to do was look left. Mr. No Name would be there, eyes firmly on Jane as he raised his cup to her in a toast.


End file.
